Health and Safety Considerations at Christmas

From another email sent to me.
A little laugh for the Christmas season......

The following contains very important information for all before Christmas

Health , Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs

Conflict of Interest must also be considered/declared pursuant to determinants within the relevant Local Government Act


1.  Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way .



A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

2. While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around .



The Shepherds Union has complained that it breaches Health and Safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that, due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year, they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.



Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around he / she must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

3.  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows .



You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities act, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

4.  We Three Kings

We three Kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star .



Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold', etc. - gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient's name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Face masks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels' hooves.

.................

The above is a comment on the sometimes ridiculous lengths people have to go in the UK to stay within the overwhelming mountain of rules and regulations before many activities are undertaken.

Christmas Cake Recipe

This was emailed to me by a friend:


     
   
  Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of  water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp  salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4  large eggs

* Nuts
* 2 bottles wine
* 2  cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality.  Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of  the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.  Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large  fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar Beat again. At this  point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another  cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs  and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the  turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just  pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the wine to check for  tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check  the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add  one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you  can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and  try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.  Finally, throw the bowl through the window Finish the wine and  wipe counter with the cat.
Go to shop and buy  cake.




Bingle  Jells!

Cake graphic was from presentationmagazine.com

Friday at the Flicks - Jackdaws, Wood Pigeon on Ice, More White Stuff

It is only in the last few days that the Jackdaws have returned to the garden looking for food much to the annoyance of the Wood Pigeons as they cannot be scared away by a few flapping wings.



When the temperature rose above freezing for a while this Wood Pigeon went walkabout on the surface of my frozen garden pond and seemed to be drinking from the occasional pool of rain water.



By early yesterday afternoon the last of the ice on the village pavements had melted but that didn't last for long as a new batch of snow arrived, the temperature dropped again and now everywhere in the village is a skating rink.



As I write this I see the Great Tit has made an early start and left the shelter of the nest box which it continues to use every night and often visits during the day. Do remember to put out food for the birds especially during this cold weather. When I was listening to the radio a few mornings ago when they were discussing bird survival in severe weather it was stated that small birds can lose a third of their body weight just keeping warm on one cold night. This has to be made up by finding enough food before the next night. It goes without saying that water is also hard to find in freezing conditions so do keep an eye on bird baths as they quickly freeze over.

I forgot to fill the feeders yesterday evening so did that as soon as we got back from our early morning walk. Some Blackbirds had already arrived (about 7.20 a.m.) and were cursing me for disturbing them. Shortly after I had finished topping the feeders up and scattering seed on the ground I counted twenty four Blackbirds in the back garden - enough for a pie according to the nursery rhyme.

Have a great weekend observing the wildlife around you, whatever the weather.

Even a Raptor Has to Eat

Just went through to the kitchen to heat up yet another mug of cold tea in the microwave when I spotted a Sparrowhawk in the middle of the garden. It had managed to catch a Starling. Dashed to grab the camera and standing near the back of the kitchen photographing through a window covered with raindrops I managed a few murky shots.



I will admit I was relieved when the hawk noticed me and flew off with its prey.

Macro on Monday - Guess What

Last week's puzzle picture was definitely of ice - but where or what? In fact it was a very close view of an icicle. The 'veins' were probably the frozen trails of water drops running down the surface of the icicle. I though they made a fascinating pattern. No one thought of an icicle so I am going to claim the gold star again this week. Wicked aren't I?

  

Here is the new puzzle picture taken though the microscope - answer next Monday.



Clue:  A embryonic ray of sunshine waiting to burst forth next Summer.
No prizes - just for fun.

Ultrasound scan, x-ray and blood tests over with this morning. Full results on my yearly meeting on the 29th but the ultrasound radiologist gave me a reasonable running commentary so at least I know nothing has changed there. That is exactly what I want to hear each year..

Friday at the Flicks - Robin, Rook, Great Tit

It's not often a Robin stays in view for very long here so it made a change to be able to video one for a short while as it set about eating the seeds falling from one of the feeders.



The fat balls have been lasting a long time in the recent sub zero temperatures. Only the largest and strongest beaks have been able to tackle them as this video of a Rook shows.



Finally I spotted that the Great Tit had once again been performing a nest box shuffle.By the look of things it seems she has also been removing some of the discarded feathers from that fight a while ago.



Yesterday I saw two Great Tits taking Sunflower hearts and eating fairly close together so I think it may well be a pair.

Have a great weekend observing the wildlife around you.

Blackbirds by the Dozen

I normally fill all the seed feeders just before it gets dark so there is plenty of food for the early risers. Also over the past week I have been scattering seed over the frozen snow in the back garden so the ground feeders also have plenty to go at. I scatter it about as that saves many arguments as the birds don't have to get too close to each other.


Since the start of Autumn I had rarely seen a Blackbird in the garden. Then a few started to arrive when the temperature dived below zero.. The numbers have continued to grow up to a peak yesterday morning when I counted twenty one feeding at first light. I have always found that Blackbirds seem to be one of the first birds in the village to be up and about each morning. Unfortunately that means the light levels are far too low to try for a photograph of the multitude.

As well as the Blackbirds there have been up to ten Wood Pigeons grabbing as much food as they can. That is another reason for scattering the seed. If it is all in one place then one of the pigeons will sit on it and keep all other birds away.



There was nearly one less Blackbird this morning. I was doing a bit of filming when a shape came hurtling out of the sky. A Sparrowhawk had dived in aiming at one of the birds feeding on the lawn. Fortunately for the Blackbird the raptor was noticed and within a second the garden was empty and the air filled with alarm calls.The Sparrowhawk flew up to a nearby branch empty clawed. It was amusing to watch as two Wood Pigeons sat on a nearby branch and just stared at the hawk as though to say - come on if you feel tough enough. Needless to say the camcorder wasn't pointing in the right direction to capture the action.

There have been far fewer Goldfinches since the harsh weather arrived. Often I will se a lone one at the feeder and just occasionally three or four. This one was captured in one of the short bursts of sunlight we have had recently.



It looks as though we are going to get a short respite from the cold weather for the next few days. I hope to get my drive cleared as I have my yearly  scan, x-ray and blood tests on Monday.