Sunday, 19 December 2010

Health and Safety Considerations at Christmas

From another email sent to me.
A little laugh for the Christmas season......

The following contains very important information for all before Christmas

Health , Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs

Conflict of Interest must also be considered/declared pursuant to determinants within the relevant Local Government Act

1.  Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way .


A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

2. While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around .


The Shepherds Union has complained that it breaches Health and Safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that, due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year, they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.


Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around he / she must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

3.  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows .


You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities act, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

4.  We Three Kings

We three Kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star .


Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold', etc. - gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient's name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Face masks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels' hooves.


The above is a comment on the sometimes ridiculous lengths people have to go in the UK to stay within the overwhelming mountain of rules and regulations before many activities are undertaken.


  1. That's made me smile...Thanks.

  2. Now this did make me laugh, John. Thanks for sharing it with everyone.

  3. PS John I've stolen it and saved it just as I did your recipe. I'll be blasting it around the internet in moments of boredom........How did we manage without this technology?.. I wrote postcards.

  4. Brilliant John.
    The sad thing is, it could all be fact now in this ridiculous country. How on earth did we manage years ago?

    I've nicked it too lol

  5. My pleasure Adrian. I get lots of interesting emails but most are not exactly suitable for a family audience. The recipe one has been doing the rounds for ages as I had a copy of it sent to me last year as well as this year.

  6. My pleasure Emma. I though it too good to keep hidden on the hard drive.

  7. Too true Keith. How did we ever survive before the arrival of the nanny state? We have gone from one extreme to another.

  8. We had a great laugh when we read this. Thanks a million, John.

  9. Hello Twosie. Pleased you enjoyed it. We need something to cheer us up this weather.


Thank you for visiting. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. Any comment, or correction to any information or identification I get wrong, is most welcome. John

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